The Thief of Joy

Here’s the thing:

We all say it and do it. Even me, I find myself doing it.

We scroll through social media and see friends with a wedding or baby announcements, or who are living that #vanlife or are chilling on a beach with a frozen cocktail in hand #bestlife. Or, worse yet, you’re watching total and complete STRANGERS make all of these posts. 

Or the coworker who shows up in a new car or gets the promotion.

Or the person who brags at the holiday party about how they are down two dress sizes

And you say to yourself: “why am I not doing more?”

Why are they doing life better than me? What am I not doing? How can I keep up? Then, lo-and-behold, you feel like crap because you don’t think you’re keeping up with friends or total strangers. 

The compari-monster creeps in and ruins your day. Maybe you start to panic and make all of these crazy plans of things you need to do to get yourself ahead, so you have things to show off and brag about. All so you can impress strangers and people you probably don’t’ even like. 

Here’s a truth: the people who love you, who legit LOVE you, will never think of you as doing better or worse than they are.

Here’s another truth: neither you nor the other person benefits from the comparison. Who does? How about the entire economy built around making sure you feel like less than you are? I’m reminded of a podcast conversation I had with my friend Dave a few months ago - this idea of enough.

Every business with shareholders needs to show they are doing better than they were last quarter, or that they are gaining on their competition somehow. Next year, they have to do more, sell more, bring in more business. No one ever says, “ok, we’ve sold ‘enough,’ it’s time to stop.” 

If you have the time in your day to stop and read this blog, you’re probably doing just fine. You probably have enough. 

Still feeling anxious about your compari-monster? Here’s a way to change your thinking:

Pick one point in your life that you MUST make time for. I always want to make sure I have time to make my son breakfast. Everything I do in my life more or less works to this point: how much sleep I get, the workouts, the business I run, the time I make for other people - I know I have enough of those if I get to have breakfast with Brooks. 

Secondly, if you feel you must compare, compare to who you were. A day ago, a year ago. Look at the things in your past, why they are in your past, and how they made you into the person you are today.

When you compare, you’re always left feeling like you need more. I’m willing to bet you need less. I’m willing to bet, right now, you are enough.